we’re running low on gateships, anyone want to pop down the store for another set?
The Teaser:
so rodney having learned his lesson last week about giving people more credit than before… oh yokels, they’re definately useless and not hiding something like every fucking yokels are in this galaxy. these guys have “the tower”, or as i like to call it “Ancients drunk driving a city ship made a crash landing in Vancouver”, which has been defending them from the wraith.
more moral dilemmas over stealing stuff from people? Oh Joy!
The Episode:
so the team begins the usual rigmarole of one of these things, talking to locals, sending rodney off with a guide to look for science, etcetera, etcetera, when they are interrupted by a roving pack of nazis working for the local king. naturally they get in a fight because Nazis but Willikins shows up and is like “mr lt colonel Sheppard, come with me or we’re frightfully sorry but we’re going to have to blow this place up with our drone weapons”. Sheppard follows him to visit Lord Gordon of the tower, a fat media mogul and king of all he surveys. Lord Gordon and Willikins want to set up shep as the new king by marrying him off to the princess before Prince Nick ascends to the thrown, well LG does, Willikins here is the Chancellor so he’s definitely not a villain. oh and Prince Nick is apparently trying to dispose of his old man and has Willikins working on it because killing people is the job of the help. rodney attempts to poke around the city, bringing along his pet yokel guide. but well… PYG: “don’t go in there”. MRM: “bah your local superstitions” PYG: “there are earthquakes down there”. and they are trapped. Lord Gordon then starts to suffer from “fat man chocking on dinner syndrome” (which is not fun to see up close, try not to get fat and choke on your dinner) and shep calls in carson to help him. also the princess shags him because well he’s sheppard and apparently willikins wants to preserve the bloodline of ATA genes with selective breeding. fat lot of god inbreeding has done as the two most powerful modern ATA carriers come from the relatively less inbred earth so screw genetics logic. sheppard is not pleased with this because there’s two rules to offworld activities: never leave a wo/man behind and don’t deal with space nazis. this breaks #2. then LG dies and willikins takes over, guess he was actually errol, ronan cuts a dude’s face in half so rodney has to drain the juice in the tower/nick hall’s ZedPM (which is mostly empty) and decides to use the engines instead of… i don’t know, inertial! fricking! dampeners! what else did you learn last episode about the energy draining properties of inertial dampeners rodney? i guess the day is saved and atlantis team trades medical supply and a GDO for all the drones and puddle jumpers.
puddle jumpers, isn’t that that children’s waterproof clothing manufacturer?
no sir that’s… well actually yes, that’s still puddle jumpers
O’De’Lay Willikins, i shall have to get some of these chirrrulden’s clothings.
Final Thoughts:
and so Sheppard screws a society out of their sole defence from the wraith and destroys their government, gets the babe and is declared king. he really is captain kirk, i put it to you that..
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man, kirk logic is dangerous on the internet.
plus they steal all their good stuff.
“Willikins! i need help in murdering my farther!”
“sir you want me to… kill your father?”
“Well of course Willikins, do you expect Me! a member of this fine country’s gentry to dirty my hands with such trivial manners.”
“of course not sir”
“excellent. bung him down the loo!”