this episode features fan favourite character Todd, i can’t think of any jokes right now i could make about his name… oh wait, he’s a wraith so he has a vagina on his hand.
i’m immature, this means this is funny to me.
…
Handgina.
The Teaser:
so remember a few weeks ago when shepsquad were fleeing for their lives to the gate and rodney was shot in the arse? the director hopes not as yet again they’re fleeing to the gate in literally the same patch of forests from off-screen ninjas. at least they had the decency to wise up their running away tactics as this time they only lose one guy and gain no protruding arrows. sheppard is shot by a most hilarious chewing gum grapple rifle and yanked back last moment. oh and the ninjas’ leader, none other than the master of ninjas (of the stick variety) himself SEQUOYA!!!!!
huh? i thought cowen ate him.
The Episode:
natch Atlantis team spend a while looking for shep and find nothing. welp. they also call in the genii as apparently someone sent a genii IDC from that planet and that’s why they went there in the first place. that guy, radeem, laveen, nerys, kasteen… whatever his name was, shows up and is like “no idea, i’ve arrested some dudes though”. also ronan hates him, ronan hates everyone.
meanwhile in a rather nicely designed prison shep gets mad and discovers he’s right next to a cell with some man in the shadows, who tells him about how no-one ever escapes from Cygnus alpha. thanks for the pep talk dude. then sequoya shows up, sets up a ye old camera feed to Atlantis and tells them that unless they give him baleen then he’ll have his pet wraith eat shep into an old man. obviously weir and sheppard being american space heroes understand that we do not negotiate with terrorists, even though as guys who came to this galaxy and attacked the ruling class simply because of the nature of their race relying on small hit and run teams and explosives along with undergoing forced mind wiping of their citizens on multiple occasions, and there was those two ideological wars we started in our own galaxy… wow, stargate command are dicks. ronan wants to turn him over of course though. not that that matters as sheppard becomes slightly older, say about how old he is now. he returns to his cell to discover his neighbour in the shadows was the wraith that tortured him who’s really fucking hungry so i guess we’re both pissed. atlantis team have 3 hours to hand over nadine or find shep.
3 hours they spend arsing around on warehouse planet. good going guys. shep is fed on again and another 3 hours deadline is set. old man shep tries to convince the wraith who is not named yet to help him escape, we are negotiating with vampires y’see but not terrorists, but tall, green and probably fetishised on the internet is having none of this. meanwhile for this 3 hours atlantis team do jack shit, just getting angry at marine. shep is oldified one more time but wraithdude stops because he’s about to die and dead hostages are useless… or maybe he does want to escape and left shep strong enough to help him, whatever atlantis team has two hours and this time they send jam and cream home to torture some dudes and chuck takes a break from watching ds9 season 8 to comfort them about his loss but they end up being pointless in the grand scale of things so thanks guys.
shep and, though he’s not called that yet it’s not really spoiler, Todd go throughout the base fighting dudes in badass action scenes, they run into a bunch of guys and shep kills them all before todd can eat a guy and recover from gunshot wounds. todd needs to feed or he will kick it at some point in the next few months. naturally this worries shep, being next to a 8 foot tall guy with dredlocks who can kill him with one hand tied behind his back is a new experience for him. waaaaaait… They make it to the surface and wonder around canada for a bit before concluding that they have no fucking clue where they’re going and that they might as well wait it out till atlantis team show up to rescue shep because there’s like 10 dudes near the gate and even if we could take them we still don’t know where that is anyway. meanwhile atlantis team fuck about doing nothing till morning and eventually raid the planet. finally. todd also wakes early and discovers genii ninjadudes bearing down on him, as a last ditch effort he steals most of shep’s precious juices and uses them to ninja back at them then after stealing their juices gives shep back his juices so he’s young again because wraith can do that now, shut up. then everyone shows up and is like “a wraith standing over sheppard, kill him” but shep is like “no, we cool” and todd is like “we only head cultists and bruthas brutha” and they stun him so they can release him into the wild to be free.
we end on the revelation that we’re not so different you and i and in an different reality i could have called you friend. oh and ronan hates him, dick.
Final Thoughts:
believe it or not that guy’s actually Christopher heyerdahl, or spacedad halling as he’s played before on this show.
also todd, not a dick which is more than i can say for all of our heroes. we’ll be seeing more of him methinks(with the wiki)
we control the vertical, having a little trouble on the horizontal so you may want to adjust your sets